Being a mum isn’t an easy job at the best of times. Our days are never ending, there is always mess to clean and tantrums happen on a daily base. Now imagine throwing depression and anxiety into the mix.
I’m a mum of 4 amazing and beautiful children aged 12, 10, 4 and 2 and I’m a sufferer of depression and anxiety. I have my good days and bad days like everyone else the only difference is is that my bad days feel like the end of the world. Some days I wake up with a skip in my step, ready to start the day. Then other mornings I just want to cover my head and shut myself off from the world.
My children are the ones who keep me going especially the past few months. If it wasn’t for my amazing children I would have been a horrid broken mess. My dad passed away on the 28th of June this year at the young age of 53 years old. I tried to stay strong for my siblings and my children but kept breaking down. My kids gave me a reason to smile and laugh again.
A few weeks ago I found out my nana was in the hospital (she brought me up) only to find out that she has brain cancer. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions since losing my dad and now my family has to face this too. My anxiety has been through the roof as you can imagine and my depression has been knocking me down hard.
This week I decided enough was enough, I was sick of crying and feeling low. I have so much to live for, I have a wonderful husband and beautiful kids. I decided it was time to try and get back on my feet. I’ve been working out a lot this week and going on family walks to get me out the house. Rather than shut the world out like I have been, I took a walk to my mums the other day.
I have a bad habit of pushing people away when I need them the most, well not this time. My plan is to connect with my family and the world and live each day like tomorrow could be my last. It seems to be helping with my mood so far so I plan on keeping it up. Also, My children are much happier to see me smiling more, and if they are happy then I’m doing something right.
I want my children to be proud of the person I am and know that I fought each and every day to better my life for them. There is no shame being a mum with depression, there are many of us out there.Stay strong and don’t be ashamed to ask for help.
Thank you for reading… Why not check out my what it feels like to have a panic attack post?