As a lot of my readers already know I suffer from terrible anxiety. My anxiety is always so much worse when it comes to uncomfortable situations or my daily routine getting sidetracked. Today my anxiety fought me hard when I had to go for my smear test and it is the worst anxiety I have felt in quite some time. I don’t know how I did it but I fought hard and got my smear test and here is my experience.
It’s hard to be a woman at times and face the ordeals we have to go through. We have periods, PMS, we endure pregnancy, childbirth and have to get smear tests every 3 years from the age of 25. Now imagine all that while having panic disorder, safe to say it makes thing a hell of a lot more complicated.
My panic disorder hit the roof this morning as soon as I opened my eyes as I knew I had a doctors appointment for my smear test. I wandered around the house after taking my son to school and tried to think of something else but I only had one thing on my mind… “What if I have cancer?” My brain doesn’t work like the average persons as anyone with severe anxiety will understand. I always think the worst and my body ends up going into fight or flight mode.
9:30am soon came round so my husband and I headed out the door. I was on edge, shaking and feeling sick, I got halfway down the road and I felt like I might pass out. I muttered the words “I can’t do this” to my husband but I knew I had to go through with it after all this could save my life and there is no way I am going to leave my beautiful children without a mother.
My head was spinning as I walked thinking of the things that happened last year… I lost my dad to cancer and my Nan a few months later but I pushed on and made it to the doctors. Thankfully I wasn’t waiting too long and the nurse called my name, I apologised for being such a mess and explained that I have panic disorder.
She was completely lovely and tried her best to put my mind at ease then suddenly my panic attack died off. The nurse made me feel so comfortable and explained everything that was about to happen. I stripped off my bottoms, got up on the bed and flopped my legs. She helped me relax before she inserted a spectrum. Then brushed my cervix with a tiny brush. It didn’t hurt and it was over within moments.
As I was getting dressed I thought to myself why the hell was I so worried. I decided to write this post for anyone else putting off their smear test due to anxiety. It is worth fighting your urge to give up and not go, this test saves lives and is important for every woman from the age of 25 to get this test done. It takes 5-10 mins out your day and comfort zone but I would rather face my discomfort than leave my children.
Waiting for the results is going to be a nerve-wracking experience but I would rather know and get cells removed than not know and die sooner than I should. I will post again once I get my results which could take 8-14 days. Please, ladies, get your tests booked in.